the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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