Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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