1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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