my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
