Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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