Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
