id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
