he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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