Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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