I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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