wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
