after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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