i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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