Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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