I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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