im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I want is dick and wine.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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