There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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