so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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