There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
