I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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