I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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