i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He has the fingertips of a God
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
