there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
