Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
