He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
