He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
