You work out of a Hotel?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
