I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
