I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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