So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
