I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
