I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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