I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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