just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
