I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's the barista slut.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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