even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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