working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
