I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
