I think my fart just growled at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
