I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
