I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
