bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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