You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
