how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
