sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize