I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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