Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
