dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
