Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
