MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
