I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
