My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drake has all the answers
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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