So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
smell my finger.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
