I'm really into asian looking animals
i permit you to call me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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