You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
