does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
