On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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