conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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