I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
