The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
