If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
