you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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