All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
