New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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