put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
