I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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