I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
