I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
