apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
