We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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