you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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