just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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