I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
