I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
