he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
